that cold hand that clutches your throat.

So..
Haven't written for a couple of days.  To catch up…I've read all of John and Acts.  Waiting to figure out what to read next in the bible.

I wrote an email to a friend to day.  This person may have made a terrible mistake.  I don't know the facts of the incident.  But if he indid make the mistake he is alleged to have made…he is in trouble.  I wrote a note of support.  In the note, I commented that I pray for him daily.  I pray for him to know and to find love.  I pray for his children.  I have prayed for this main daily, several times a day for over a year now.  And I was truly  beginning to doubt the existence of God….that is what brought to me my search in reading the bible.  Well..now that he is in the trouble he is in…I no longer doubt Gods existence.  I continue to pray.  Fervently.  I want my friend to be okay.  I pray that it is Gods will that that be so.

On another note….I texted a different friend a happy belated birthday today.  I lost track of the day yesterday and should have texted her yesterday.  At anyrate…I commented that I was heading up to her town..for our high school reunion..but that before doing that…I was volunteering out at a historical site.   I've been a docent there for several months.  She texted back…."Is there nothing you won't volunteer for?"  And the answer to that is apparently no..there is nothing I wont volunteer for if its worthwhile.  But my volunteerism has a selfish end…Which I texted back.. I texted back.."what can I say?  I am lonely."  She wrote back a little jingle about "Only the lonely… and that she doubts I could be lonely" …I replied…No.  I am honest about it.  I am lonely.  And that is where the conversation died.

I wonder…is she afraid of my lonliness?  Afraid to become lonely as well?  Or was my stark reply too naked for her?  Did she have to turn away?

I may never know.  I do know one thing…I am lonely.

So…I'm not sure to whom I am writing.  Just writing i guess.

I'm new to google and the blogosphere.  I think I already offended someone…but I'm not even sure how I did that.  I think I need better road maps.

And Lord…I am trying.  Really trying.

day one July 30, 2012

alright….


not sure what I'm doing here or why..


but I need to write some thoughts out so here goes.


Been reading the bible…trying to find meaning to my life and its events.


Read John.  Now am on Acts.  At first I started at the beginning….you know. Genesis.  then Exodus, etc…got up to and finished Judges.  But I was so confused…not just by all the history…but by all the meanness.  The God of the old testament is just plain mean..spiteful.  Unforgiving.  And the one thing I need right now is forgiveness.  So..I posted on facebook asking for help and a very nice friend of a nephew gave it to me.  He suggested starting with John…


and he was right.  John reminded me of God, and Jesus' love for me.   I had of course read a lot of John in church at mass.  But never the full story.  I'm glad I did.